Test of Character XXXVIII

Richard. She ran to them. He lied on the ground, clearly in pain. Symmetry dropped to her knees and took his hand.
'Richard… ' She turned to Evan, panicking.
'What happened? Tell me, what happened?' Evan sighed.
'Vector Arrows. He dodged most of them with his Integral, but he took some dangerous hits anyway…' Symmetry could see how his injuries were destabilizing his internal structure. He was dying.
'Evan! Please! Do something, he's dying!' A sense of despair raised in her. Richard couldn't die… Not Richard… not him… not now…
'I tried… But the dimensional ties I used on him won't hold his structure together much longer… there's nothing I can do…' Evan seemed really sorry… that told her enough about the gravity of the situation.
'We must get him to the camp! Dr. Amelia can fix him up, I know!' She felt Richard pinch her hand.
'Symmetry…' His voice was weak. 'It's okay…' Symmetry shook her head and tears filed her eyes.
'No… Richard, it's not okay! I can't let you die…' He smiled faintly.
'It's okay… I can see it now… It can see it all…' His voice sounded as if it came from a faraway place. He grasped for breath. 'It's all… clear to me now…'
'Don't die… Please Richard… I wouldn't know what to do…' Tears dripped on his face.
'Symmetry… don't cry… You are so beautiful… in the eyes of the universe…' He coughed. 'It's all clear… it's all… symmetry. Silent symmetry…'
'I can't let you go…' She saw how his facial muscles relaxed, as if the pain was disappearing. He opened his eyes and looked at her.
'I am already leaving, Symmetry… silence… there's silence in my head… Things are clear. Let me go now, so the last thing I see… is your beauty… ' Symmetry cried.
'I love you, Richard…'
'I love you too…' With those words on his lips, he died. She felt how his hand abated in hers.
'He has left.' Evan said, his voice sounding cold and determinate. Symmetry felt as if her heart was being ripped apart. How pleasant must it be… not to feel anything… just like Evan…
'We have to take him back with us. We have to.' Symmetry sounded begging. They couldn't just leave him here. She just couldn't take the thought of him lying there to rot... Evan nodded.
'Very well.' Together, they carried his body back to the camp. Others were also carrying dead and wounded comrades. It was the first time they actually got to do that… the first time they would be able to bury the fallen…

'Those who fight never die, they just leave us. And those who left us today… they went for the good of all of us! Only those who gave up have died; those who have left may their names resound over the battlefield of glory until infinity!'
The Traveller spoke to the group of Theorists. The dead lay in front of them, on rows.  Symmetry stood next to the Doctor, and bit her lip. The battlefield of glory… there was nothing glorious about war. War was hell. Richard didn't have to die. His dead was only a loss, only sad. The hatred she had felt was hard to control. How could he speak like that about what was nothing but a senseless killing spree? The Traveller looked at them all.
'Then now… Proceed.' The Theorists stepped forward. Dr. Amelia had explained her what they would do… Symmetry hoped she wouldn't cry. They passed through a list, and one by one, the surviving Theorists read names. As if they were called, the corresponding corpse glowed. And then, in a sudden squall, it pulverised and turned to ashes, taken along by the wind.  Soon, the air was filled with ash; it was blown all over them. Nobody moved. They just kept reading names, while the ashes rained down on them. It was the last rite, the last honouring. The list reached Symmetry, and with a surprisingly clear voice, she read Richard's name. Somehow… somehow it was a comforting idea, that he was somewhere around her, his ashes somewhere in the sky. She understood why the Theorists preferred this as their funeral rite. A moment or two, her heart was lifted from it's sorrow, together with the ash of the deceased. The sadness returned later, at full strength. In the tent, she collapsed, crying. She yelled at Dr. Amelia.
'Why! Why, Doctor?  Richard didn't have to die! He didn't even have to be here! Why didn't you stop him? You could have said he couldn't come along! Why?' Her sadness fed her anger. Tears ran over her face. 'I hate you!' The Doctor was unmoved by the emotional outburst.
'You are allowed to do so. There is something I want you to think about. Did you notice something about Richard, in the past few days?' Symmetry looked up. Thinking about Richard only made the pain worse… but she had indeed noticed something.
'He… He was more stable. The echoes didn't bother him so much anymore…' Immediately she felt the anger again. 'Why did he have to die? He was finally beginning to feel better!' The Doctor shook her head.
'No, Symmetry. Richard… had made a decision. Out of all possibilities… he picked the one that would determine his future. Richard was more stable… because there were simply fewer echoes, fewer possible futures. He knew he was going to die. Al the time.' Symmetry closed her eyes. All the time…
'Why would he choose to die?' she cried. 'Did we do something wrong?' Dr. Amelia looked sad.
'He wasn't fit for this world, Symmetry. Part of him lived in another dimension… a dimension that kept calling him.'
'Don't say it is better this way. It is not. You would have found something, a way to take the pain away so he wouldn't have to die for it.' Symmetry knew she was talking nonsense, but missing him just hurt too much… it was horrible. She remembered the doctor's motivational speech. "It sliced through your soul the way it sliced through their bodies…" That was the way to describe it… The Doctor put an arm around her.
'I don't say it is better this way. I don't say anything. It will always hurt… But in time, the feeling will become less excruciating.' Symmetry heard the words, but they didn't reach her. The feeling… She didn't want to feel anything anymore. Never again. The moment she made that decision, something broke. Never to feel again…